tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78920279530899649872024-02-08T07:33:06.935-08:00Inanity IncorporatedHave you ever been sitting around and wonder where giving people the middle finger came from or if kidnapping is still a capital crime?
Years ago, these were the kinds of questions you forgot about and got back to more important things.
But not anymore!
Bring me your tired cliches, your poor philosophies, your huddled idiotic questions yearning to breathe the air of sweet internet vindication...
And I'll do my best.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-18033985194036433092008-05-22T11:05:00.000-07:002008-05-27T06:58:18.625-07:00Love lives on...as gaudy jewelryWow. You know, the flame of my faith in humanity is a very fragile thing. When I hear Bush speak, I sort of cup my hands over it to keep it from blowing out in the torrential winds of his stupidity. When I see certain presidential candidates clinging to the election like some sort of...what's that type of organism that takes and takes and gives nothing back...oh right, a parasite! When I see Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-42322197645445174282008-05-20T07:03:00.000-07:002008-05-20T07:57:54.433-07:00A new weapon in the War Against WhippersnappersAh.What a nice week.Now back to the bi-weekly grind. By which, I mean, wasting time at work writing a blog. America is a beautiful country.Speaking of America, what's something that has plagued this country since its birth? Incompetence and corruption amongst the government? Sure. Complete insensitivity to the desires of the disenfranchised? Of course. An abandonment of cost-effective, Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-24156480788931150762008-05-08T08:58:00.000-07:002008-05-09T11:04:12.790-07:00S-S-Snakes on a P-P-PlaneWell, folks. I've done Peanut Butter and Jelly. I've done Rihanna (I wish). I've done Tornados. What other threats to international peace can I take on?Oh yeah.This guy.I know what you might be saying. "Rick, how is Samuel L. Jackson, a man who wears a BERET, a threat to international peace". And I respond with:Guy's got a FLAMETHROWER. Oh, sure, you may say, "that's not that intimidating,Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-30519885776077816962008-05-06T07:48:00.000-07:002008-05-06T11:46:14.305-07:00I am a blogger, ogger, ogger, ug, ug, ugOh, R&B.You never disappoint.Mainly because I don't have high hopes for R&B. So it's hard to be disappointed. Maybe that's why I don't like so many things. Because so much is so gol-darned disappointing that being an optomist just seems inefficient.Life lesson, kiddies. Aim low. That way, you'll never be disappointed.Speaking of aiming low, today's post is all about a song that has been Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-13023061414119700822008-05-01T11:47:00.000-07:002008-05-01T13:13:21.625-07:00Grapples! They're worthlesstupid!Friend + enemy = Frenemy - A friend who is also your enemy.Narcissism + surfing = Narcissurfing - An activity in which you benefit yourself and only yourselfBimbo + distraction = Britney Spears - An unremarkable human being who has more followers than JESUSGrape + Apple = Grapple - A horrific chimera that is at once both a grape...AND AN APPLE.It's fun making up words. The funny thing is, all ofUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-44306123415720787182008-04-29T07:33:00.000-07:002008-04-29T09:15:08.131-07:00Worship: Size DOES MatterMan. I am mega-tired. I would mega-like to take a mega-nap and mega-reduce-my-metabolic-rate-and-secrete-additional-growth-hormone.Wow. That is annoying. It's a good thing mega isn't used as a prefix seriously.Oh wait:Megachurch (The Crystal Cathedral)That's right. Megachurch. I'd love to say "How very typically American, making something ludicrously oversized, because the bigger it is, theUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-86884829842684115732008-04-25T08:41:00.001-07:002008-04-25T10:19:54.895-07:00A bold new sportSo. How about those extended periods without a single post, eh?Did you, my invisible audience, miss me? I'm sure you did.Either way, back to business. And by business, I mean a supreme waste of time. Which isn't too far from what business actually is. Or, at least a business degree.For years mankind has struggled to understand nature, to commune with nature. Henry David Thoreau removed Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-8719966901276676032008-04-09T08:06:00.000-07:002008-04-09T09:16:47.635-07:00Don't gimme no grief...ersWell. After a bit of a hiatus, I'm back. And I'm sure my invisible hacker audience couldn't be happier. I say hacker because they must be super-hackers to be able to erase all trace of their having visited this blog, leaving no record of my blog having any vistors.My hat goes off to you, invisible hackers.Speaking of hackers...more specifically visible ones who may not, in fact, be hackers...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-9513183280060967292008-03-27T12:25:00.000-07:002008-03-27T13:44:40.752-07:00This blog is a natural disaster.Guess what else is?This:Sorry. That was wrong. There's nothing natural about Michael Jackson.This, however:Today we talk about something that has done more damage to the Midwest than the Dustbowl and George W. Bush COMBINED:TORNADOES!The Tornado: Know Your EnemyI hear you saying, "But Rick, Sun Tzu always said the more you know about the enemy, the more likely you are to win in battle against Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-10450301234073830912008-03-25T07:48:00.000-07:002008-03-25T12:50:17.073-07:00Inanity Inc. Goes to WarThe deep bass of drumbeats, the flawless unison of armored footfalls, the war bells of rattling armor, this is the background music to the life of a REAL man. Real men stab things and burn things and rip out their own spleen and eat it for the sake of glory.THAT'S a real man.So all sarcasm aside, I decided that today's entry will be a belated tribute to the fifth anniversary of the Iraq Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-54818814062488259162008-03-14T13:00:00.000-07:002008-05-06T12:00:16.527-07:00Animal cruelty has never been so entertaining!I may have missed my thursday entry, but I'll make up for it with a ridiculously hilarious topic.Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...The Lobster ZoneThat's right. Somewhere between entertainment and blatant abuse of animal rights lies that mysterious zone known only as "The Lobster Zone".No joke. It's a crane game where you try and catch live lobsters, some with MONEY strapped to their Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-10462959187712593042008-03-11T06:50:00.000-07:002008-03-11T09:06:14.858-07:00Axes for hands and laser beams for eyesHello again.I had a hard time coming up with today's topic. I thought about trucks, I thought about the history of chainsaws and I thought about Sony's insipid little "dogs" (I use the term loosely, because the only thing they have in common is four legs and ears. Dogs tend not to beep and tend to actually make you feel bad when you torture them.) called the AIBO.Then I realized...what about a Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-3567081209295842772008-03-07T06:53:00.000-08:002008-03-10T10:53:27.661-07:00TGIFSo I went home yesterday thinking I had gotten everything I wanted done done. I so pleased with myself.Then, it struck me.I HADN'T UPDATED THE BLOG!Oh, heaven forfend. You, my invisible audience, had to do without!Never fear, nonexistent readers. I will admit as a mistake what I can write off as entirely intentional.The reason I missed my update Thursday was because I was waiting for it to be Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-80262257895652854492008-03-04T09:46:00.000-08:002008-03-04T12:18:09.003-08:00This post is a lie.Today's subject is the fragile flower that is lies. What is it? Why do we tell them? How do we tell them better? How do we not get caught for them? How can I commit tax fraud with a clear conscience and criminal record?One of those questions I will not answer today. You'll have to read on to find out. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.Wiktionary defines a lie as:1. An intentionally false Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-81359448647017844762008-02-28T06:56:00.000-08:002008-02-28T08:39:54.039-08:00Speed Demons or Law Breakers?So I was driving to work today and I ran into a truck. No, I didn't hit the truck, I just ran smack dab into a enormous wall of rusty steel filled with something that was tossing small bits of crap onto my windshield.It's times like those that I'm happy I'm an aggressive driver. If I hadn't been, I would have spend an extra FIVE MINUTES waiting behind this big hulking load of slow.And it made Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-8359952137788054372008-02-26T07:39:00.000-08:002008-02-26T09:00:27.634-08:00A Naked PostTah-dah!Brand new layout. Entirely coded by yours truly. Yep. No other. I didn't just browse through the blogger templates and pick the most tasteful one. Nope. Never happened. I'm an html whiz.Anyway, let's test the old adage "All that glitters is not gold" by seeing if this new, shiny, glittery blog will now have posts of solid gold (not bloody likely).Speaking of Au, today's extremely Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-28580578298689888132008-02-20T15:30:00.000-08:002008-02-26T07:25:14.482-08:00An ENTERTAINING war or The War of the World...wide entertainment industryWell, hello.It's good to see you again.I guess that inaccurate.It's good to have you seeing me again.Better?Speaking of eyesight, let's talk about the limits of it. Your eyes are neat little machines. They're fun, they're exciting, and they're full of a thick, syrupy goo. They also have a maximum resolution (looking at a TV screen) of 324 megapixels.Exciting.The most the top HD formats can Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-8498320967290343052008-02-15T10:33:00.000-08:002008-02-26T07:25:26.326-08:00Peanut Butter and HOAX?!Hello again.Don't get used to this, I'm not going to be posting everyday.We'll see.Don't get your hopes up, invisible readers who absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, exist. You know you're out there....somewhere...Anyway. Today's quandary comes from a site called The PB&J Campaign.According to this cultist, uber-green website, eating PB&J is the perfect way to save the world and Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7892027953089964987.post-75860875506855196112008-02-14T10:34:00.000-08:002008-02-26T07:25:37.617-08:00Starting off sexyOh, the first post.New beginnings.I can never think what to say for these posts.I just...I'm so emotional right now.Speaking of emotions, it seems like it's that time of the month...in that time of the year.Valentine's Day.That's right, the one day a year where all the nice restaurants are booked, roses suddenly become about as expensive per ounce as saffron and being single becomes utterly Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0