Friday, April 25, 2008

A bold new sport

So. How about those extended periods without a single post, eh?

Did you, my invisible audience, miss me? I'm sure you did.

Either way, back to business. And by business, I mean a supreme waste of time. Which isn't too far from what business actually is. Or, at least a business degree.

For years mankind has struggled to understand nature, to commune with nature. Henry David Thoreau removed himself from the crowded world for this precise communion. He claimed that "there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright"

The Romanticist William Blake claimed, "Great things are done when men and mountains meet. This is not done by jostling in the street." He then proceeded to curse the King of England and get in a fistfight with a soldier.

In the tradition of these great poets and thinkers, a number of young people have started a grand reopening of the dialouge between man and nature. They call it:



Squirrel Fishing


These pioneers, these (I am not ashamed to say it) heroes, have taken the brutal act of fishing and adapted it to become a serene commune with nature. I am proud to feature them here, in this blog, to my vast(ly) invisible audience.


How to
Squirrel fishing is so simple you might mistake it for a hilarious and silly game rather than an intimate meditation with Mother Nature.

1. Get a rod. Some say fishing rods, but a lot of times, it just looks like people use a big stick. In the pictures on this site, they don't even use the rod.

2. Get some string. It seems a lot of the critters like to bite through the string, so something slightly strong might be worth it.

3. Get a peanut. OR a slice of apple. Apparently both work pretty well in attracting your prey-I mean-furry friend. Also, according to wikipedia raw peanuts might be somewhat unhealthy for the squirrel, so it might be worth getting roasted ones. Or just go with the apple.

4. Get a key. You'll need this to weigh down the line. Tie it about three inches up from the end of the string.

5. Tie one end of the string to the rod and the other to the peanut (or through the apple slice)

6. Carefully approach the squirrel and attempt to gain its interest in the nut.

7. One the squirrel is hooked, it's time to commune. Relate to it. Be the squirrel. Try to lift it off the ground and dangle it around. Because that shit is funny.

The Heroes
UC Berkeley Squirrel fishers - Apparently one of the largest groups, boasting more than 80 members. Apparently also boasting an inter-club drama, where groups are divided and need unification. How, exactly, a group dedicated to lifting squirrels off the ground has anything to debate is beyond me. Link.

University of Oregon Squirrel Fishing Club - A group of about 30 members that is currently struggling with recreation to have squirrel fishing sanctioned as an official sport. Fight the good fight, lads. Link.

Harvard University Division of Engineering and Applied Sciences - Yes. That's right. Harvard. This is how people at Harvard apply sciences. Honestly, it's things like this that make me think that maybe Harvard isn't a bunch of puffed nonsense desperately trying to improve student satisfaction to distract them from the fortune and a half they're spending on tuition. Then again. I went to Rutgers. I have no room to talk. Link.

Soapbox
This is hilarious.

I'm gonna do it.

End soapbox.

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