TGIF

So I went home yesterday thinking I had gotten everything I wanted done done. I so pleased with myself.

Then, it struck me.

I HADN'T UPDATED THE BLOG!

Oh, heaven forfend. You, my invisible audience, had to do without!

Never fear, nonexistent readers. I will admit as a mistake what I can write off as entirely intentional.

The reason I missed my update Thursday was because I was waiting for it to be Friday so that I could get into the state of mind necessary to write this, the blog post to end all blog posts...well...for the weekend.

Today's quandary is the mythical, magical, wonderful FRIDAY.

Thank Gods it's Friday

The word friday comes from, as most things do, gods. It comes from the word Frige, which is not a kitchen appliance mispelled, but instead the Old English form of Frigg, the wife of the Norse god Odin. She was a huge Norse goddess, responsible for love, household, fertility and making sandwiches. Basically, by Nordic standards, the perfect wife. Where, in modern times, she'd be the enemy of feminists and be seeing a psychiatrist for the regulation of boredom-induced mood disorders. We've come a long way.

The word also traces its origins to another goddess, Freyja, who was another huge chick-god in Norse mythology. I should clarify, by huge, I don't mean fat. They were Germanic, but they weren't fat...they probably just had rippling biceps. Either way, she was another goddess of fertility, as is anything with a vagina in myth. (For you mythology geeks don't get your knickers in a twist about me saying that. If you are currently yelling at the computer "What about Artemis, you smug bastard!?", then I will refer you to this. Athena, too.)

In addition, Freyja was a goddess of battle. All sarcasm aside, I really enjoy this about mythology, that gods can be in charge of love and joy as well as stabbing one another in the throat. There's something human about that.

Anyway, in romance languages, the word Friday comes from the Latin "dies Veneris", which means the "day of Venus". In Spanish, Friday is viernes, venerdi in Italian, and so on.

By the way, in case you're wondering, the reason the English "Friday" sounds nothing like "dies Veneris" is because English is a Germanic language, so we're up there with the Freyja-ers and the Frigg-ers.

The origin of the short weekend

The seven day week traces back all the way, as most things do, to Sumeria.

The planetary week (which is outlined very well by this site originated in Hellenistic Greece and based the name of each day on the visible planets (and one star). It went like this:

1st Day - Sunday: Sun
2nd Day - Monday: Moon
3rd Day - Tuesday: Mars
4th Day - Wednesday: Mercury
5th Day - Thursday: Jupiter
6th Day - Friday: Venus (Yay!)
7th Day - Saturday: Saturn

The Jewish and Christian justify their short weekends with God's laziness. He created the universe in six days and on the seventh day, he sat around, ate Doritos watched Simpsons reruns.

With the spread of Christianity like some sort of holy STI, the seven-day week became standard over...a lot of places. Though I should make the point that the names of the days stayed the same, based off not only planets, but also the names of Roman Gods. And also the point that these names were completely altered in the Germanic cultures, hence why we don't call it TGIV. People give too much credit to the spread of Christianity. It didn't conquer. It was just like "Okay...you can keep your culture...so long as this guy Jesus is plastered all over them."

Christianity was, and still is, plastic Jesus fish on Hummers.

Friday the 13th: How Freddy got Founded

When is Friday not joyous? When it happens to fall on the 13th.

Apparently, on this day, $800 to $900 million dollars is estimated to be lost in the US due to people not wanting to travel or do things, for fear of bad luck. Even more, apparently people have panic attacks or a sense of impending doom or being chopped up by pedophiles with finger-claws.

There's even a convoluted name for this: Paraskevidekatriaphobia. Some doctor wrote a book about it that I'm sure will get about as many readers as my blog.

Where did this come from? I'm glad you asked, because National Geographic answered you for me.

In Norse mythology (here we go again), the 13th guest at a feast in Valhalla was Loki. Loki is like the guy who adds your event on facebook and then fills a thermos with beer from your keg. And then pisses on your face. But somehow, those silly Aesir can't get enough of him.

Loki arranges for one god to shoot another god, which kind of casts a pall over the party.

Guess who was also a 13th supper guest?

That's right. Judas. Or should I say...JEWdas.

As for poor Friday, well, it just happens to be the day that Jesus died, supposedly the day that Eve tempted Adam with her tasty apples and possibly the day that Cain killed Abel and was doomed to walk the earth as a goth kid and be responsible for this.

Question answered.

And there you have it. Everything you didn't need to know about Friday and some things you...no. Just everything you didn't need to know.

So thank you, Friday. If it weren't for you...we'd all love Thursdays.

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