One of those questions I will not answer today. You'll have to read on to find out. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Wiktionary defines a lie as:
1. An intentionally false statement; a falsehood.
2. A statement intended to deceive, even if literally true; a half-truth
Well. Question answered.
What's that? Too broad, you say? I did not answer the questions I promised to, you claim?
How do you feel about that? Betrayed? Do you feel as though I offered you an intentionally false statement? Perhaps, that I uttered a falsehood? Maybe even made a statement intended to deceive?
Well, congratulations. Now you know what it feels like to be lied to. I just had to make sure my audience (You're out there somewhere...) was aware that things like this go on in the outside world. So rarely are we exposed to the cruel realities of life gathered, as we are, around the nuturing flame of our LCD screens.
Now brace yourself. I'm about to dive deep into the cesspool of sin that is...
The history of the lie is very interesting. The first lies came with the creation of Man, because animals, to the best of my knowledge, rarely lie.
The first lies came from Adam and Eve, whispering sweet nothings to one another.
A: (lie) Oh, darling, I love you, I have been waiting for you all my brief life.
(truth) It beats screwing sheep.
E: (lie) Adam, my sweet, I am the happiest I could be with you.
(truth) If God's so great, he could have endowed you a little better.
Then came the Fall, when Eve ate the apple and doomed us all to toil and suffering on a beautiful, exciting planet:
God: Eve, did you eat the apple?
Eve: (lie) No.
(truth) Yes.
God: (lie) You should have known better than to lie!
(truth) I shouldn't have given you speech.
(lie) I guess this could not have been avoided.
(truth) I should have made it the Large Boulder of Knowledge...
Then a long time passed. Then came a man named Augustine of Hippo. The man was hungry, hungry for truth. In 395 AD, as a part of his text "Retractions", he wrote a section entitled "On Lying". Here he outlined the types of lies told by man in order of severity:
1. Lies in religious teaching.
2. Lies that harm others and help no one.
3. Lies that harm others and help someone.
4. Lies told for the pleasure of lying.
5. Lies told to "please others in smooth discourse."
6. Lies that harm no one and that help someone.
7. Lies that harm no one and that save someone's life.
8. Lies that harm no one and that save someone's "purity."
He also wrote, "Setting aside, therefore, jokes, which have never been accounted lies, seeing they bear with them in the tone of voice, and in the very mood of the joker a most evident indication that he means no deceit..."
So lies told in jest are a-okay. Now I don't feel so bad about that Garden of Eden thing.
Wikipedia offers a number of different kinds of lies. I will only list a few here, supplemented by sources of knowledge that are a bit more credible than "Cuddlyable3".
Charles V. Ford's Psychology of Deceit gives us a good listing of types of lies. I'm going to focus on the ones that are the most fun.
Benign and salutary lies: These basically go along with "white lies", in that they are sort of obligated lies. For the sake of not offending someone or something, you'll lie your little fibbing pants off. Something along the lines of "Oh, I'd love to goto your party, but I have homework," or "Oh, I'd love to go out with you tonight, but I have homework," or, "Oh, I'd love to read that new blog post you put up, but I have homework."
Defensive lies: These are lies that get you or someone else out of trouble. Everyone's done these, fess up. No one judges on the internet, unless you're reading a blog. Or a forum. Or anything written by another human being.
Example:
"We've been a remarkably stable administration, and I think that's good for the country..."
- George W. Bush (Source)
Malicious lies: My favorite. Lies for personal gain. Why tell the truth and get punished, when you can lie and get rewarded? Makes sense to me.
Example:
"In the Battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed."
- George W. Bush (Source)
You may have noticed a theme to the examples, with the exception of white lies. Problem with that is I couldn't find any white lies Bush told. I think there might be a political statement in there somewhere.
BUT NO! We're not talking about politics. We're talking about lies. The two are entirely separate.
The Psychology of Lying
In developmental psychology, it is believed that the reason young children create outrageous lies is because they haven't yet achieved what is called "Machiavellian Intelligence".
Niccolò Machiavelli was a hilarious guy. He wrote a treatise entitled "The Prince" that idealized this image of the ruler of a country as a "ends justifies the means" God. Basically, a ruler could lie, cheat, steal, kill, torture, engage in endless wars against abstract concepts, so long as they were protecting the country's virtues and stability...which seems a tinge contradictory.
But Machiavellian intelligence, or social intelligence, is basically the ability to function politically in a group. This includes being able to lie, cheat and steal not out of sheer maliciousness, but with the intent of protecting one's interests. Armed with this intelligence, the fresh-faced youngster becomes a brutal lying machine, capable of churning out deceptions tailored to be believable in the view of others, not just themselves.
Now, I could go research a bunch of piddling bullshit about "what makes us lie" "who lies" and all that other new-agey psychology mumbo-jumbo. But instead, I'd like you to take a moment to bash your head against the wall repeatedly. Go ahead. I'll wait.
...Finished? Good. Pat yourself on the back. Right there, you did less damage to your brain than would have been done reading stuff like this or this.
The psychology I CAN talk about is confabulation. This what happens when we confuse our imagination with reality. It's sort of what happens when our brain's tactics for incorporating new elements into our memory without completely reconstructing our view of the world mess up. Our brains simply adore patterns, and will go to great lengths to find some.
An example of this is in an experiment by Frederic Charles Barlett in which he read a Native American myth to a group of students and asked them to recite it at various times afterwards. He found that the reproductions tended to include additional elements to make the myth more consistent. We're just naturally anti-bullshit.
Confabulators will make up elaborate stories, sometimes entire new lives for themselves, moment by moment. It's not exactly lying, as they're just honestly confused. But it is pretty damn interesting.
So why do people lie?
For tons of reasons. As a joke, as a way out, to get some reward, to protect other lies, to hurt someone else, to help someone else, to hurt themselves, to help themselves.
If you need sources for that, just take a step outside.
How do you lie better?
Don't get caught.
How do you avoid getting caught?
Write a blog no one reads :)
'Till next time!
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