You never disappoint.
Mainly because I don't have high hopes for R&B. So it's hard to be disappointed. Maybe that's why I don't like so many things. Because so much is so gol-darned disappointing that being an optomist just seems inefficient.
Life lesson, kiddies. Aim low. That way, you'll never be disappointed.
Speaking of aiming low, today's post is all about a song that has been played so often it's almost crazy.
And by crazy, I mean the song by Gnarls Barkley. I heard that played so often I thought that certain radio stations had just changed their lineup to "All Crazy, all the time!"
It drove me...up the wall.
But there's another catchy song that is apparently the 6th most popular song in the last DECADE internationally. It was #1 on Entertainment weekly's best songs of 2007 and #3 on Rolling Stone's list of arbitrarity.
Needles to say...it did pretty wella, wella, eh, eh, eh.
That's right. I'm dedicating this entry to a song I morally oppose:
Psst, Rihanna, you're doing it wrong!
What do we know about Umbrella? We know it's an enormously popular and viciously catchy tune. Most would be happy to leave it at that. But, not Inanity Inc.
Umbrella's lyrics and melody were written in 12 minutes by Terius "The Dream" Nash. It was originally written to be performed by Britney Spears. Her label told Terius to dream on. Get it? Didn't take me 12 minutes to think of that one, Terry.
So they moved on to Mary J. Bilge. While waiting for a reply from Bilge, Rihanna's label began calling the writers more than my ex-wife calls me for child support (ba-dum-pssh). But unlike my ex-wife, they actually got what they wanted. Rihanna would soon be asking America to stand under her Umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh.
Christopher "Tricky" Stewart admitted to having doubts about Rihanna singing the song. But, according to Stewart,
"When she recorded the 'ellas,' you knew it was about to be the jump-off and your life was about to change if you had anything to do with that record."
Yes. You read that correctly, folks. "When she recorded the ellas". I know a stuttering refrain breaking down a commonplace word has changed my life. If it weren't for Rihanna's ability to sing jibberish, we would still be listening to remixes of Crazy.
Fine, fine, fine. So it got a lot more popular than this blog will ever be, and so on and so forth.
WHAT YOU MAY NOT KNOW is that Rihanna single-handedly caused a devastating flood across the UK that MURDERED innocent citizens. Well. Only two innocent citizens, but I bet they were REALLY innocent.
How did she do it? No one knows. What we DO know is that while her song was at the top of the charts, this disaster besieged the noble United Kingdom. And as soon as its reign of terror was ended by the stalwart crusader that is Timbaland, the weather improved.
Sure, it could have been coincidence. Or maybe it was God's way of proving Rihanna wrong. How about that, Rihanna? You talk big, but when it comes down to it, your umbrella can't even protect an ISLAND 1/5 the size of the US. Sounds like your umbrella ella ella is a bunch of crappa appa appa.
Also. The song ends with the words "come into me" repeated.
Gross.
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